Giving and Receiving Feedback

Earlier this month two of our Starfish Partners, Antony Allen and Richard Allen, were in the beautiful Eifel region of Germany running an Inspirational Leadership programme with a talented group from Nestle Purina.  

One of the many benefits of being face to face was that we could run a feedback session where everyone gave everyone else on the programme their thoughts on something they valued or appreciated about the other person, and their best piece of advice for them. The exercise involved speaking directly to the other person, but the feedback was also written down so that the recipient can review again at their leisure.

You could sense the nervousness but also excitement around the room when the exercise was first introduced, but the results were wonderful! This exercise which many of us will have experienced in some way is not new but nearly always appreciated, and can be transformational in team events. I know that I for one will hold on to the feedback cards and read them whenever I need a boost!

Why is it then, that many of us are nervous about giving or receiving feedback? It’s a theme we often see when coaching clients or on our programmes, and yet if delivered well feedback should really help someone to develop or encourage them. So, what gets in our way?

 For a long time I struggled to accept any developmental feedback in the way it was intended, and took it as thinly veiled criticism instead. Sometimes it had been delivered clumsily, or the timing was bad, or sometimes it really was just criticism (which often masquerades as feedback), but more often than not someone had cared enough about me to try and help me, and yet I still rejected it. This wasn’t limited to feedback designed to help me either, I also discounted any positive feedback as my perfectionism got in my way!

 Perhaps it’s no wonder then that many people also struggle to give feedback. If it’s only going to be rejected by the other person anyway, why bother? However, it’s an essential leadership tool if delivered well, and is something that should be used regularly in all walks of life, not only at appraisal time. 

(Article originally posted by Antony Allen on the Starfish Partners LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/company/starfish-partners-development/)